Strewth!

A great contributor to the English Language

As Australians speak English, differences in language take a while to notice, and can still sometimes suprise us. Robert and Owen already refer to 'heaps' of things, instead of 'lots' of things, and they will tell you that Indiana Jones and the Crystal Maze (or whatever it's called) was 'heaps good'. They also ask for 'Yo-ghurt'. Crisps are 'chips'. Chips, in case you were worried, are 'hot chips'. By the way, don't 'mither' an Aussie for any 'scran' as all you'll get in response to either word is a blank look.

It's also essential to shorten words wherever possible, with the letter 'o' at the end. Need to register your car? You need Rego. Need to fill your car with petrol? That'll be done at the Servo. On Tuesdays, when it is inexplicably cheaper. Fancy a beer after that? You need the bottle-o. Thats what they call off-licenses here. They have drive-through ones. You can't buy alcohol in supermarkets, but that's ok, because you don't have to get out of your car to purchase your carton of Coopers Pale Ale.

What has been difficult to get used to, and avoid joining in with, is the swearing. Pi** and Sh** can be heard throughout the day on radio and television, and seem to be considered much softer words here. I nearly dropped my cup of Lipton's Tea when Aunty Susan, my Mum's cousin who is about her age, said 'Sh**'. Gordon Ramsey, who called a French chef the 'C' word on telly the other week, is broadcast at 8:30pm, early enough for little Bruce or Kylie to learn just how to speak aggressively in the kitchen. Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares is in the top 5 most watched TV programmes here.

What brought all this to mind was the Sermon I heard at Trinity Bay yesterday. John Warner, the Minister, was talking about how we can kid ourselves that it's so much harder to resisit Sin than it used to be. 'Friends, I'm here to tell you that's Bollocks,' piped up John, without a flicker or flush of embarrassment, 'Paul says that's Bollocks...'. Whilst slowly closing my agape jaw I looked around to see everyone elses reaction. Nothing. A yawn here, a stretch there, but certainly it wasn't controversial.

So there you have it. Bollocks in the Bible. It's the only place in there you'll find it!